[Nicholas Angel is having a crackdown on underage drinkers in the pub]
Nicholas Angel: Oy! When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #1: 22nd of February.
Nicholas Angel: What year?
Underage Drinker #1: Every year!
Nicholas Angel: Get out!
Nicholas Angel: [to the second underage drinker] When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #2: 8th of May... 1969...
Nicholas Angel: You're 37?
Underage Drinker #2: Yeah!
Nicholas Angel: Get out!
Nicholas Angel: [turns to last drinker] When's your birthday?
Underage Drinker #3: [high pitched] Uhhhh...
Nicholas Angel: Out!

Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?
Nicholas Angel: Officer.
Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman-officer?
Nicholas Angel: I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer... apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog. It all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake - arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.
Danny Butterman: He sounds like a good bloke.
Nicholas Angel: Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.
Danny Butterman: What a $#%&!...
Nicholas Angel: Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel of that pedal car. I had to prove to myself that the Law could be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.
Danny Butterman: Shame...
Nicholas Angel: How so?
Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...

Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?
Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life
Danny Butterman: [nodding] What's the second most painful?

Simon Skinner: Lock me up.
Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry?
Simon Skinner: I'm a slasher! I must be stopped!
Nicholas Angel: You're a what?
Simon Skinner: A slasher... of prices! I'm Simon Skinner - I run the local supermarché. Drop in see me later - my discounts are *criminal*.

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This site was last updated 05/18/13